


But You Ain't One

by bamboozledeagle



Series: Hero's Chat [1]
Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon), DuckTales (Cartoon 2017), PKNA - Paperinik New Adventures
Genre: Angst, Family, Friendship, Herodads, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-07-12 02:16:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 12,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15985463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bamboozledeagle/pseuds/bamboozledeagle
Summary: Donald and Drake have a history that led to a very...interesting group chat with just the two of them. It goes about as well as can be expected considering one of them is a retired hero and the other has spontaneously decided to adopt an orphan. Their little group is about to get bigger.Alternatively titled: In which Donald gains an additional headache





	1. In which the group chat gets more interesting

**Author's Note:**

> alienpuncher - Donald  
> iamthenight - Drake

{7:05 a.m.}

iamthenight: How did you do it?

alienpuncher: Do what?

iamthenight: Live with being ignored and unadorned by the public?

alienpuncher: 1) they hated me 2) I’m going to punch you after I get my coffee so start running now

iamthenight: Three years I’ve been doing this and not a single fan is waiting excitedly for my autograph

alienpuncher: Be grateful for the quiet now because as soon as some reporter with a grudge finds you you’re going to wish for these years back

{7:18 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Drake?

alienpuncher: Are you still up?

iamthenight: Yes

alienpuncher: You’ll get some fans, be patient

iamthenight: For how long?

alienpuncher: I don't know but for all we know you might already have some

{11:16 p.m.}

iamthenight: Turn on the news

alienpuncher: Why

alienpuncher: You know I’m retired

iamthenight: TURN ON THE NEWS

alienpuncher: Fine

alienpuncher: Did you seriously just text me because you made the news?

iamthenight: YES

iamthenight: IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING

iamthenight: MY TIME HAS COME

alienpuncher: They’re calling you a menace

iamthenight: DETAILS AREN’T IMPORTANT

alienpuncher: What did you do

iamthenight: You’ll find out once I, Darkwing Duck, put Taurus Bulba behind bars

alienpuncher: Are you seriously going after THE Taurus Bulba by yourself??

iamthenight: Can’t talk now I have a criminal to catch!

{11:05 pm}

alienpuncher: Darkwing?

alienpuncher: Darkwing its been 23 hours, you better text me when you get the chance.

alienpuncher: If you’re dead I’m going to kick your ass

iamthenight: I’m alive

iamthenight: Busy day

alienpuncher: I get enough stress from the triplets I don’t need to be worrying about you too

iamthenight: Sorry not sorry

alienpuncher: You’re going to be sorry WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU

iamthenight: I need a favor

alienpuncher: Why should I do you a favor

iamthenight: I’ll give you my autograph

alienpuncher: No.

iamthenight: Bulba is after a child

iamthenight: She has info he wants but she doesn’t realize she has it

alienpuncher: What do you need me to do?

iamthenight: I’m going to send her to you for safekeeping

alienpuncher: While you go after bulba?

iamthenight: Yes

alienpuncher: And what will happen to her after all of this is over?

iamthenight: She’s an orphan

alienpuncher: You’re going to stick a child with info that Taurus wants back into the system?

alienpuncher: Bad idea

iamthenight: I

alienpuncher: ?

iamthenight: I think I 

alienpuncher: ??

iamthenight: I think I want to a

alienpuncher: ????

iamthenight: Ad

iamthenight: Adop

alienpuncher: Take your time

iamthenight: This is hard

alienpuncher: Oh my god you got attached didn’t you!

iamthenight: She’s safest with me and she’s not a bad kid!

alienpuncher: Drake that’s a huge responsibility!

iamthenight: I know!

alienpuncher: Do you?

iamthenight: I don’t think I would mind having her as a responsibility

alienpuncher: I think you need to take some time to think about it

iamthenight: How much time?

alienpuncher: More than what you’ve spent now! How long have you known her? Four hours?

iamthenight: About 12 but the thought didn’t occur until 10 minutes ago

alienpuncher: YOU NEED TO SPEND MORE THAN TEN MINUTES ON A DECISION LIKE THIS

iamthenight: hang on a minute

{11:45 pm}

alienpuncher: Drake? What happened?

alienpuncher: I’m not waiting another 23 hours to see if you’re dead or not

alienpuncher: Drake I swear to god

{6:54 a.m.}

alienpuncher: TELL ME YOU WEREN’T IN THE EXPLOSION

alienpuncher: DARKWING YOU STUPID MALLARD

alienpuncher: YOU BETTER TEXT ME THIS INSTANT

{7:00 a.m.}

alienpuncher: DRAKE

{11:16 a.m.}

alienpuncher: please

{9:32 p.m.}

iamthenight: im adpt

alienpuncher: YOU ASS

iamthenight: no I wnt b a dad

iamthenight: p@nkillerrrs stuqqid

alienpuncher: You’re adding me to your emergency contact list

alienpuncher: I can’t believe you woke up high on pain meds and your first text was to tell me you want to adopt the kid

iamthenight: thot abt it

alienpuncher: I’m sure

alienpuncher: Text me again when you’re not off your butt on meds

alienpuncher: How did you even get your phone?

iamthenight: youuurr th best

alienpuncher: I know

iamthenight: hlq wih adotion?

alienpuncher: Yes I’ll help you adopt her. Go back to sleep.


	2. How to parent

{2:04 am}

alienpuncher: You don’t have a sidekick you have a puppy

iamthenight: He’s??? A duck?? Like us??

alienpuncher: He’s a duck puppy

alienpuncher: A duppy

iamthenight: Are you ok?

alienpuncher: I’m running on 3 hours of sleep and 5 cups of coffee

iamthenight: Why

alienpuncher: The kids had a volcano project and I stayed up all night doing it

iamthenight: Sucks to be you

alienpuncher: You’re going to have to do it too, now that you’ve got Gosalyn

iamthenight: Crap you’re right

iamthenight: I’M A DAD NOW DONALD

alienpuncher: I know, I helped you fill out the paperwork

alienpuncher: How’s Gosalyn doing?

iamthenight: I think she’s doing well

alienpuncher: You think???

iamthenight: She’s happy but with everything that’s happened I’m concerned with just how happy she is

alienpuncher: She’s a strong kid

alienpuncher: Just keep an eye on her

{1:48 pm}

iamthenight: LP has moved in

alienpuncher: Since when?

iamthenight: Well apparently he doesn’t live in st. canard

alienpuncher: ?

iamthenight: He says he works for McDuck and he’s got time off so he invited himself over

iamthenight: He won’t leave

alienpuncher: He won’t leave or you won’t kick him out

iamthenight: NOT THE POINT

alienpuncher: HE’S A DUPPY AND YOU’VE ADOPTED HIM

alienpuncher: Wait

alienpuncher: He works for scrooge?

iamthenight: Yeah

alienpuncher: You’re probably going to have to foot the bill for groceries

iamthenight: Why? He works for the richest duck on the planet

alienpuncher: He works for a cheapskate who only leaves his mansion to go to the money bin. I bet the houseboat he only works 2 hours a day max

alienpuncher: Even if scrooge pays him well, it doesn’t make for a good paycheck

iamthenight: My poor bank account

alienpuncher: Oh please

alienpuncher: Neither of us is hurting for cash because of you-know-what

iamthenight: True

iamthenight: Are you still working for you-know-what?

alienpuncher: Yeah, it’s probably the only reason I haven’t starved to death

iamthenight: You mean ‘we haven’t starved to death’?

alienpuncher: I know what I said

iamthenight: I’d criticize you for being too protective and self-sacrificing for your kids if I weren’t already in the same boat

iamthenight: I’ve only had Gos for a week and if anything happened to her I’d kill everyone in st. canard and then myself

alienpuncher: Even your duppy?

iamthenight: No

iamthenight: LP would be spared

iamthenight: Also, how do you know so much about scrooge

alienpuncher: 'World’s greatest ducktective’ my ass

iamthenight: HEY

alienpuncher: He’s my uncle. Everyone knows that

alienpuncher: Except the kids

alienpuncher: Hopefully it’ll stay that way

iamthenight: SCROOGE MCDUCK IS YOUR UNCLE

alienpuncher: Yeah

iamthenight: IS THAT HOW YOU GOT YOUR TECH?

alienpuncher: No

alienpuncher: Scrooge doesn’t know about pk

iamthenight: Oh, so you were working for shush? Like I am?

alienpuncher: no

iamthenight: Who did you work for?

alienpuncher: At this point, everyone

iamthenight: Bullshit

iamthenight: You did not have a job on top of being a full-time superhero on top of being a father

alienpuncher: I worked at the mall and I was the custodian for Ducklair tower

alienpuncher: The boys had a lot of junior woodchuck camps before Dewey and Louie dropped it

iamthenight: You’re insane

alienpuncher: I think I slept maybe twice the entire time

alienpuncher: I lived on coffee and cereal

alienpuncher: I swear I wasn’t even on earth most of the time but it’s all a blur

iamthenight: I’m suddenly very grateful for what I have going on

alienpuncher: Just wait

iamthenight: I don't appreciate how ominous that is

{4:34 pm}

alienpuncher: Have you enrolled Gos in school yet?

iamthenight: THAT’S A THING?!

iamthenight: I mean

iamthenight: Of course

alienpuncher: You have no idea how to enroll her do you

iamthenight: help

alienpuncher: Well the triplets have a free weekend and I think Gos could use some friends, so how about we come over

iamthenight: Cookout?

alienpuncher: Cookout

iamthenight: I CALL THE GRILL

alienpuncher: YOU BURNT EVERYTHING LAST TIME

alienpuncher: I GET THE GRILL

iamthenight: NO

alienpuncher: YES

iamthenight: NO

{7:12 pm}

iamthenight: Change of plans, LP wants the grill.

alienpuncher: …fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession time! I’ve only seen like two episodes of Darkwing Duck. Feel free to let me know if I’m getting Drake too out of character and I’m down for any ideas old/new watchers have for this fic!


	3. Barbecue night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The barbecue goes alright until someone decides to step outside and crime fight.

{6:24 p.m.}

alienpuncher: Where are you?

iamthenight: In the bathroom

alienpuncher: No, you’re not.

alienpuncher: I can cover for you if you need me to

iamthenight: There was a robbery at the bank

alienpuncher: I’ll tell the kids you went to get dessert so come back with ice cream or something

iamthenight: Thanks

{6:36 p.m.}

alienpuncher: Your daughter knows that I know

iamthenight: What happened

alienpuncher: She noticed you were gone and tried to cover for you

alienpuncher: It might have worked if my boys hadn’t just used the restroom.

iamthenight: I’ll teach her how to come up with better lies

alienpuncher: She used the same excuse you did

iamthenight: IT WAS A PERFECTLY VALID EXCUSE

alienpuncher: NOT WHEN YOU HAVE SEVEN PEOPLE IN ONE HOUSE

{7:12 p.m.}

alienpuncher: Hurry up the food is getting cold

iamthenight: I’m almost back

alienpuncher: Did you get ice cream

iamthenight: Better

iamthenight: I got cake

alienpuncher: I hope you’re ready to deal with the aftermath

iamthenight: At least I only have to deal with one sugar high child

alienpuncher: True

alienpuncher: But my boys are going to spend most of that in the car where they can’t break anything

alienpuncher: Yours will have free reign of the house

iamthenight: I suddenly have a very important thing to do and can’t make it

alienpuncher: you spout nothing but lies

iamthenight: I can already hear a window shattering! Let me have this!

alienpuncher: Welcome to parenthood

{9:42 p.m.}

iamthenight: Did you make it home alright?

alienpuncher: Yeah, thanks for having us over

iamthenight: I think Gos had a good time

alienpuncher: I think my boys did too

alienpuncher: They liked the neighbor’s boy

iamthenight: Honker?

alienpuncher: Yeah

alienpuncher: He and Huey talked while Dewey and Gos climbed your tree

alienpuncher: Louie was floating between them

iamthenight: They’re good kids

alienpuncher: I’ll admit I was skeptical about you being a dad

iamthenight: HEY

alienpuncher: I was wrong

iamthenight: UH HUH

alienpuncher: I think you two are going to be just fine

iamthenight: As if that wasn’t obvious from the beginning

alienpuncher: Drake I’ve been confined to a car for an hour with three rambunctious children

alienpuncher: Don’t push it

iamthenight: Bring it

iamthenight: I can take you

alienpuncher: I still have my shield

iamthenight: And?

alienpuncher: It has lasers

iamthenight: You wouldn’t

alienpuncher: I’ve done pettier things

iamthenight: Like what?

alienpuncher: Pk wasn’t always a hero

iamthenight: WHAT

alienpuncher: I became Pk so I could pull pranks on my family when they were being mean

iamthenight: WHAT!!

alienpuncher: and then I ended up saving someone one night and I preferred that

alienpuncher: congrats on being the only person to know my origin story

iamthenight: WHAT!!!!

alienpuncher: I’m going to bed, goodnight

iamthenight: WHAT!!!!!!! YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT!

iamthenight: DONALD

iamthenight: DONALD NO

iamthenight: YOU WERE MY HERO

iamthenight: MY INSPIRATION

Iamthenight: ...eh, maybe not THAT much

alienpuncher: Don’t ever meet your idols kids

iamthenight: I don’t regret tracking you down

alienpuncher: No?

iamthenight: No

alienpuncher: Can I quote you on that

iamthenight: NO

alienpuncher: Darkwing “I don’t regret tracking you down” Duck

iamthenight: I’M GOING ON PATROL

alienpuncher: wait

iamthenight: ?

alienpuncher: thanks

{11:57 p.m.}

iamthenight: you too


	4. Alone you are not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fearsome five strike and Darkwing is sick of people trying to get in on his glory. He doesn’t need a team up, he can handle it by himself! Donald’s going to go gray by the time he's forty (40).

{11:46 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Do you need help?

iamthenight: NO, I’M SICK OF PEOPLE BUTTING IN

iamthenight: GO AWAY

alienpuncher: Your police station is in the ocean, SHUSH is out of commission, and your entire city has sealed off from the rest of the world.

alienpuncher: It's on every channel

iamthenight: I DON’T NEED HELP, I CAN DO THIS BY MYSELF

alienpuncher: Are you sure? They're talking about sending in the air force

iamthenight: YES!!! GO AWAY!!!

alienpuncher: Fine.

{1:02 p.m.}

gosalynmallard: Mr. Duck?

donaldduck: What’s up, Gos?

gosalynmallard: Do you remember when you said I could call you if I needed help?

donaldduck: Absolutely

gosalynmallard: I can’t find dad!

gosalynmallard: He ran off after he yelled at the justice ducks and he hasn’t come back!

donaldduck: Justice ducks?

gosalynmallard: Can I call you?

donaldduck: Yes

{1:24 p.m.}

launchpad: Mr. D we could really use that backup you offered a couple weeks ago

launchpad: I know you said only in dire situations

launchpad: But it’s really bad!

donald: Gos told me the whole thing, I’m almost to my car

donald: I can be there in ten minutes

launchpad: The fearsome five captured the justice ducks and we still haven’t found DW!

donald: I’ll be there as soon as I can

launchpad: Nevermind! He’s back! 

launchpad: No need to worry Mr. D!

donald: DW came back?

donald: Do you still need back up?

launchpad: Nope, we’re not in a dire situation anymore! You can sit back in your chair and do whatever it is uncles do!

launchpad: Thanks a bunch, Mr. D!

donald: Please just call me Donald

{3:14 p.m.}

alienpuncher: So

alienpuncher: St. Canard seems to be doing better

iamthenight: I’m sorry about earlier

iamthenight: I was being selfish

alienpuncher: Yeah, you were

alienpuncher: You were going to throw your life away by going after all five of your supervillains. At once. BY YOURSELF.

alienpuncher: You can’t do that

iamthenight: but that’s what YOU used to do! That’s what every superhero does!

alienpuncher: I was NEVER alone! I had allies and friends everywhere!

alienpuncher: Drake listen to me

alienpuncher: You and I are different people and different heroes. I know you prefer to work alone but what you have going on with Gos, LP, and the others?

alienpuncher: That’s a good thing

alienpuncher: Don’t you ever throw that away again or I’m going to kill you myself

iamthenight: You’re right

iamthenight: I won’t

alienpuncher: You scared the hell out of Gosalyn and LP

alienpuncher: I know

alienpuncher: You scared the hell out of me

alienpuncher: I had one foot in the pk car when you came back

iamthenight: I was fine

alienpuncher: YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE PERSON WHO KNEW THAT

alienpuncher: I’VE LOST A LOT OF PEOPLE MALLARD, YOU DON’T GET TO ADD YOUR NAME TO THAT LIST

{10:48 p.m.}

iamthenight: Gos wants to see the boys…are you still mad?

alienpuncher: Yes, but not enough to punish the kids. What did she have in mind?

iamthenight: There’s a new horror movie premiering next friday night, the muddlefoots have already agreed to let honker go

iamthenight: They suggested a sleepover at their house

iamthenight: You could stay the night and we could go to a bar while the kids have a sleepover?

iamthenight: I’ll buy

iamthenight: We can play chess afterwards

alienpuncher: Hang on

alienpuncher: Is this your version of an apology present?

iamthenight: Is it working?

alienpuncher: …yes

alienpuncher: We’ll see you next week. Is 6 a good time?

iamthenight: Perfect

{8:12 a.m.}

launchpad changed their name to professionalcrasher

donald: why?

Professionalcrasher: Mr. McD called me a professional hazard last week and gos suggested I change the last bit to crasher.

professionalcrasher: Oh and Mr. D!

professionalcrasher: Before I forget, you should call Mr. McD!

professionalcrasher: He seems lonely

donald: …I’ll think about it

donald changed their name to backup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from the two part episode Just Us Justice Ducks. With the timing of this chapter panning out before DT17, Gizmoduck isn’t around yet. Nothing changed too much other than that. We’ll get some Gizmo in another two chapters, but next time is the start of DT!


	5. Woo-oo!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DT17 Start!

{5:32 p.m.}

iamthenight: I see your kids found out about McDuck

alienpuncher: It was going to happen eventually

iamthenight: I'm surprised

iamthenight: You were very against them ever finding out

alienpuncher: They pulled a fast one over the babysitter and I needed someone to watch them while I went to an interview

alienpuncher: Launchpad suggested I get in touch with Scrooge last month and...well...

iamthenight: You're a giant softie

iamthenight: But did you have to explode your house on national television in the meantime?

alienpuncher: …I can fix it

iamthenight: Yeah by buying a new houseboat

alienpuncher: No

iamthenight: Donald

alienpuncher: I’m going to fix it

iamthenight: Put your boat out of its misery, please

iamthenight: Where are you guys even living right now?

alienpuncher: With Uncle Scrooge

alienpuncher: Not for long though, I’ll have the boat fixed up by the end of the week

iamthenight: HOW

alienpuncher: Only the engine exploded so I just have to fix it and do some woodwork

iamthenight: Your persistence is impressive if not exhausting to watch

{11:43 a.m.}

alienpuncher: THEY HAVE MY BOYS

iamthenight: WHO

alienpuncher: THE BEAGLE BOYS

iamthenight: I’LL BE THERE IN AN HOUR

iamthenight: NO

iamthenight: 30 MINUTES

alienpuncher: I’M GOING TO GET SCROOGE

{11:48 a.m.}

alienpuncher: SCROOGE ISN’T RESPONDING, BEAKLEY AND I ARE GOING

iamthenight: YOU’RE RETIRED

alienpuncher: I DON’T GIVE A DAMN

alienpuncher: I’M GOING TO KILL THEM

iamthenight: NO

alienpuncher: YES

{12:16 p.m.}

iamthenight: I’M ALMOST THERE

iamthenight: WHAT’S GOING ON

alienpuncher: We kicked their ass that’s what

iamthenight: Oh

iamthenight: …should I turn around?

alienpuncher: Is Gos with you?

iamthenight: I couldn’t stop her

alienpuncher: Come on over

iamthenight: I’m starting to think you only like me for my daughter

alienpuncher: Only a lot

iamthenight: HEY

alienpuncher: I’m kidding

alienpuncher: Is pizza okay with you guys?

iamthenight: yes

alienpuncher: What kind do you want?

iamthenight: Everything

alienpuncher: You uncultured swine

iamthenight: What?

alienpuncher: EVERYTHING?

alienpuncher: EVEN PINAPPLES?

alienpuncher: You disgust me.

iamthenight: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM A GUY WHO PUTS TOBASCO SAUCE ON EVERYTHING

alienpuncher: HOW DARE YOU

iamthenight: HOW DARE YOU

iamthenight: dad handed me the phone Uncle D, are hdl okay?

alienpuncher: Hey gos

alienpuncher: They’re fine

iamthenight: you should have left some beagle boys for us

iamthenight: we woulda kicked their butts!

alienpuncher: I appreciate the thought but I think I prefer how things worked out

alienpuncher: Do you want to talk to the boys?

iamthenight: yes!

alienpuncher: hey gos!

iamthenight: hey guys!

alienpuncher: you’re coming over? – Dewey

iamthenight: Yep! We heard about the beagle boys and started driving asap

alienpuncher: Sweet!

iamthenight: who has the phone?

alienpuncher: Louie

alienpuncher: just assume if it doesn’t have a signature that it’s from all of us

iamthenight: ok

iamthenight: how’s mcduck?

alienpuncher: Awesome! We went to Atlantis! – Dewey

alienpuncher: The manor is huge! – Louie

alienpuncher: It’s got so many books! – Huey

iamthenight: I saw the jewel on tv is it as big as it looks?

alienpuncher: bigger - Louie

iamthenight: awesome!

alienpuncher: are we going to talk about the weird nicknames? - Dewey

alienpuncher: that is weird – Louie

alienpuncher: you guys know Uncle D will see these right? -Huey

alienpuncher: YOU DON’T HAVE TO TYPE EVERYTHING WE SAY LOUIE - Huey

iamthenight: I think it’s an inside joke

iamthenight: lol Louie

alienpuncher: Hi I’m Webby!

iamthenight: what?

iamthenight: …guys?

alienpuncher: They’re fighting so I took the phone, what’s your name?

iamthenight: Gosalyn

alienpuncher: Hello!

iamthenight: Hi!

iamthenight: …who are you?

alienpuncher: I’m webby! My granny is the housekeeper.

iamthenight: oh so you live with hdl?

alienpuncher: who’s hdl?

iamthenight: Huey, Dewey, and Louie

alienpuncher: Oh! I get it! Hah!

alienpuncher: Yes!

alienpuncher: I’ve never texted anyone before!

alienpuncher: are we friends now?

iamthenight: sure

alienpuncher: yay!

alienpuncher: Do you want to play war when you get here?

iamthenight: what’s that

alienpuncher: Louie says it’s a free for all nerf gun battle

alienpuncher: it’s every man for himself, but usually hdl will be on their own team

iamthenight: you’re the only one on your team?

alienpuncher: Gos you don’t understand she’s basically a ninja -Dewey

iamthenight: welcome back

iamthenight: who won the fight?

alienpuncher: Beakley

iamthenight: dad wants the phone back, we’ll be there in a couple minutes

alienpuncher: okay! See you soon!

alienpuncher: Uncle Donald says the pizza will be here in 20 minutes, so don’t break any speed limits. -Huey

iamthenight: little late for that


	6. A new Superhero in town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Gizmoduck!

{10:42 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Congrats

alienpuncher: You’re not the only menace anymore

iamthenight: What are you talking about?

alienpuncher: Check the news

{11:01 a.m.}

iamthenight: Alright, who is he?

alienpuncher: I don’t know

alienpuncher: He saved Dewey

alienpuncher: …and Huey but he was causing more havoc than the robbers so I’m not counting it

iamthenight: As long as he stays out of my city, I don’t care

alienpuncher: Getting territorial are we?

iamthenight: How would u feel if I came to Duckburg and took down your criminals?

alienpuncher: I’m sorry since when do you have the muscle and tech to fight aliens?

iamthenight: Not the point

iamthenight: I could take down the Evronians if I wanted to

alienpuncher: Uh huh

iamthenight: I COULD

alienpuncher: So Gizmoduck

iamthenight: What about him

alienpuncher: Are you going to get in touch with him?

iamthenight: Why should I?

alienpuncher: He’s a new hero and from what I’ve seen he’s going to need all the help he can get

iamthenight: No.

alienpuncher: Oh come on

alienpuncher: You both exploded during your debut

alienpuncher: It was meant to be

iamthenight: Gosalyn and LP are enough, I’ve only got two hands

iamthenight: Oh no

iamthenight: Is this how you felt when I came out?

alienpuncher: That’s different.

alienpuncher: For one thing, YOU found ME

alienpuncher: I answered your questions and offered advice…and now we have this…thing

iamthenight: Our relationship is just a thing to you?

iamthenight: I’m wounded

alienpuncher: Suck it up

iamthenight: How did it feel to have your identity figured out by the greatest duck-tective in you-know-what

alienpuncher: first of all

alienpuncher: Just because you were the head special intelligence agent does not mean you were the greatest detective.

iamthenight: That’s DUCK-tective to you.

alienpuncher: Don’t you have a city to protect

{6:36 a.m.}

iamthenight: He’s ok

alienpuncher: Who?

iamthenight: Gizmo

alienpuncher: You went and got attached again, didn’t you.

iamthenight: NO

iamthenight: I’M JUST SAYING HE’S NOT COMPLETELY AWFUL

alienpuncher: DW I already told you it’s not bad to have allies and friends in this business

alienpuncher: Just

alienpuncher: Hold onto them while you can

iamthenight: Are you ok?

alienpuncher: I’ll live

alienpuncher: The kids want to see Gos again

iamthenight: She’s got a hockey game this weekend, you’re all welcome to come

alienpuncher: I might take you up on that.

alienpuncher: Can Webby come?

iamthenight: Yes

iamthenight: But I’m not going to be held responsible when the girls inevitably take over the world.

{11:56 a.m.}

iamthenight: Hypothetically speaking

alienpuncher: What. Did you do.

iamthenight: IT’S NOT ME IT’S GIZMO

alienpuncher: What happened?

iamthenight: He’s asking questions about hero stuff but some of it is related to Duckburg and things work differently over there!

iamthenight: There’s so many questions!

iamthenight: HE SENT 86 WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!

iamthenight: 86!!!!

alienpuncher: Fine, give him my number

iamthenight: Done

alienpuncher: Really? No concern over handing out my number?

iamthenight: PK I am this Ducking close to strangling him

alienpuncher: Ooo you cursed. That’s a bad sign.

iamthenight: HE’S DRIVING ME NUTS

iamthenight: TAKE HIM

alienpuncher: Make a group chat with all three of us, it’ll help us both answer him and it might be beneficial in the long run

iamthenight: Already done

iamthenight: THIS close Donald, I am THIS close

alienpuncher: go back to bed

alienpuncher: The boat is almost done and the kids are with Uncle Scrooge so I’ve got the time

{11:58 a.m.}

Gizmoduck: THIS IS SO COOL!!

Gizmoduck: ARE YOU REALLY PK!?

Paperinik: I should hope so

Gizmoduck: I have so many questions!

DarkwingDuck: I know

Paperinik: I’ve heard

Gizmoduck: How should I handle the police? When I turn in villains, do I leave a note? Do I have to testify in court? How do I testify in court?

Gizmoduck: What do I do if there’s a fire? My suit has an extinguisher and I can hook up to a hydrant but should I prioritize putting out the fire or evacuating the building?

Gizmoduck: What if I see another crime while in the middle of stopping a different crime? Obviously I should prioritize based on the amount of danger the criminals pose but what if they’re committing the same crime?

Gizmoduck: What happens if I accidentally launch a rocket? Am I a criminal? Do I turn myself in? Should I turn myself in? What if I become evil, it’ll never happen but what if I mess up and break a law?

Paperinik: Put the brakes on Gizmo, I can only answer so many questions at once.

Gizmoduck: Oh! Sorry!

Paperinik: The police can be tricky, build a good relationship with them it’ll come in handy. When you hand in a criminal you need to have proof of their crime or the police can’t do anything. I bet you have a camera or something in your suit that should take care of that. You shouldn’t have to testify if you have video evidence.

Paperinik: For Fires you should evacuate people first, as long as you don’t put yourself at risk. The last thing you want to do is become a victim yourself so wait for firefighters if you have to.

Paperinik: You’re right about prioritizing criminals based on threat level, but if it comes down to similar crimes then grab the people closest to you. It’ll be easier to nab both groups. If you can’t grab the other group then you should have video footage to show the police. Don’t forget they’re working WITH you, not against you.

Paperinik: As much as Darkwing will say otherwise, heroes are human. You’ll make mistakes and those mistakes can be catastrophic but that’s the burden you bear as a hero. The idea is to make as few mistakes as possible and as minor mistakes as possible. If you feel you deserve to go to jail then sure, turn yourself in.

Paperinik: DON’T turn yourself in for a crime you haven’t committed or one that you feel was necessary.

Paperinik: Darkwing and I’ve broken a lot of laws for the greater good but that’s why we’re heroes and not cops.

Paperinik: since you’re new I’ve got some suggestions you might want to keep in mind.

Gizmoduck: Of course! I’d appreciate any suggestions you have for me!

Paperinik: 1) Draft a will.

Gizmoduck: what?

Paperinik: Being a hero seems glorious and flashy I’m sure, but it’s a very dangerous job. You need to be prepared for the worst.

Paperinik: 2) update your emergency contacts

Paperinik: I want you to put either me or DW down as one of your contacts. It’s my way of making sure you’re both alive if something happens on television

DarkwingDuck: IT WAS ONE TIME

Paperinik: ONE TIME TOO MANY

Gizmoduck: Okay, can I put you down, PK? Wingy is an hour out

Paperinik: That’s fine

Paperinik: 3) Get a job, being a hero doesn’t always pay

Gizmoduck: I’m getting paid to be gizmoduck

Paperinik: Then you’re all good there

Paperinik: WAIT

Paperinik: AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE THAT HAD TO LIVE A DOUBLE LIFE?

DarkwingDuck: hahahahaha!

Gizmoduck: I’m confused?

DarkwingDuck: PK had to get a job and be a hero. You and I are getting paid to be heroes so we don’t have that problem.

Gizmoduck: Oh! …sorry?

Paperinik: IT’S FINE

DarkwingDuck: Don’t be salty just because you never had time to sleep and had to survive off of cereal and coffee for six years

Gizmoduck: That seems like a pretty reasonable thing to be salty about??

Paperinik: LET’S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

Paperinik: 4) Get over yourself and call for back up

Paperinik: Another rule curtesy of DW

Gizmoduck: I thought these were suggestions?

Paperinik: I changed my mind. I’m making these laws.

Paperinik: THE FOUR LAWS OF SUPERHEROING 

Paperinik: But seriously, you’ve got two heroes on your phone now, if you need backup just call.

Paperinik: DW is good for intelligence gathering and despite his attitude he’s good at what he does.

DarkwingDuck: HEY

Paperinik: And while I am retired, if you need an emergency patch up or if you’re in way over your head then call me.

Paperinik: Oh, and one last thing.

Gizmoduck: Okay?

Paperinik: You’re already well like in Duckburg, but there will always be reporters out for your blood. Don’t let them bother you. Do what you have to do no matter what anyone says.

Gizmoduck: Got it.

Paperinik: Still want to be a hero?

Gizmoduck: Yes!

Paperinik: Welcome aboard then, Sailor.

Paperinik: You’re going to do just fine.

{3:42 p.m.}

Paperinik: …We might want to change our names

~DarkwingDuck changed their name to iamthenight~

Gizmoduck: Why?

Paperinik: I have kids and they might look over my shoulder and see Darkwing Duck and Gizmoduck in big bold letters.

~Gizmoduck switched their name to BlatheringBlatherskite~

Paperinik: what

Paperinik: is that

BlatheringBlatherskite: It’s my catch phrase!

Paperinik: …You and DW are much more similar than I think either of you realizes.

~Paperinik changed their name to alienpuncher~


	7. Illuminations!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old friend shows up and identities are thrown around. There's a lot of yelling.

{3:36 p.m.}

Uno: Donald

Donald: what

Donald: WHAT

Donald: WHAT IS THIS

Uno: I’m sending you messages from Master Ducklair’s ship.

Donald: HOW

Donald: WHY

Donald: I THOUGHT HE TURNED YOU OFF

Uno: He did and then he turned me back on. Is your capslock broken?

Donald: NO I’M FREAKING OUT

Uno: Why?

Donald: IT’S BEEN SEVEN YEARS, WHY DO YOU THINK

Uno: You’re surprised?

Donald: I’M A LITTLE MORE THAN SURPRISED

Donald: I DIDN’T THINK I’D EVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN

Uno: Why not?

Donald: Uno, he turned you OFF and then he LEFT

Uno: Oh, you thought we were never going to see each other again?

Donald: YES

Uno: Well that’s fixed then, right?

Donald: WHAT??

Uno: We’re talking and that’s how it worked in Anxieties

Uno: You said talking counts as ‘seeing each other’

Donald: You have to stop learning biological customs from that show

Donald: Yeah, I guess it counts

Uno: Are you upset?

Donald: I’m a lot of things right now

Donald: I’d ask you to prove you’re really Uno but…

Uno: How absurd, of course I’m Uno.

Donald: I know.

Donald: How long is this going to last?

Uno: I am unsure

Uno: We are fighting Master Ducklair’s homeworld and he thought an unusual signal would offset them.

Donald: So this is just a distraction

Donald: Great.

Uno: You are being sarcastic

Donald: Gee what gave it away

Uno: You are operating under the assumption that our time is limited to only a few minutes

Uno: However, now that contact is established, I can alter the signal so that it is too obscure for others to trace it

Uno: I merely needed an excuse to make contact

Donald: Wait so I can text you whenever?

Uno: Yes, but it may take some time for me to respond. We ARE fighting an entire planet.

Uno: I am available for the next few hours if you would like to 'catch up’

Donald: Buddy, there isn’t anything I’d rather do.

{1:22 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: Wingy? Who builds your stuff?

iamthenight: I do

iamthenight: why?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Your plane is amazing, can I see the blueprints?

iamthenight: No

BlatheringBlatherskite: awww

alienpuncher: Will you quit being paranoid? You never use it anyway.

iamthenight: Why are you still awake?

alienpuncher: I was talking to a friend. Give him the blueprints.

iamthenight: I’ll give him the blueprints to my ride when you give me the blueprints to yours

alienpuncher: I physically cannot do that

BlatheringBlatherskite: Are we talking about the PK Car or the Gauntlet?

alienpuncher: Gauntlet?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah your…armored glove?

alienpuncher: You mean my Shield?

BlatheringBlatherskite: It’s not a shield

alienpuncher: No but I wear it on my hand

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah your hand thing!

alienpuncher: My shield

BlatheringBlatherskite: No it’s not a shield

iamthenight: YOU’RE BOTH TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING

iamthenight: HE JUST CALLS IT A SHIELD BECAUSE HE CAN BLOCK WITH IT, NOT BECAUSE IT’S AN ACTUAL SHIELD

BlatheringBlatherskite: Oh!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Sorry, I haven’t slept in a while

alienpuncher: How long is a while?

BlatheringBlatherskite: …what day is it?

alienpuncher: GIZMO NO

alienpuncher: GO TO BED

BlatheringBlatherskite: I can’t

BlatheringBlatherskite: Gyro needs help with a thing

BlatheringBlatherskite: It kinda looks like Wingy’s ship so I thought I’d ask for the schematics

iamthenight: Who’s Gyro?

BlatheringBlatherskite: NO-ONE

alienpuncher: FENTON?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: NO

iamthenight: WHAT

BlatheringBlatherskite: HOW’D YOU FIGURE THAT OUT SO FAST

BlatheringBlatherskite: NOT THAT I’M FENTON OR ANYTHING

iamthenight: YOU CAN’T BE FENTON

iamthenight: WHAT THE SHIT

iamthenight: HOW DID I NOT NOTICE

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘HOW DID I NOT NOTICE’

BlatheringBlatherskite: HOW WOULD YOU HAVE NOTICED, WE’VE NEVER MET

alienpuncher: Actually you spent more time with DW than you realized when you were in St Canard

BlatheringBlatherskite: LAUNCHPAD?!

iamthenight: NOOOOOOOOO!

alienpuncher: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BlatheringBlatherskite: HOW DO YOU MAKE YOURSELF SO SMALL

iamthenight: I’M NOT LAUNCHPAD

alienpuncher: The news and Fenton beg to differ.

iamthenight: STOP

BlatheringBlatherskite: You’re not LP?

iamthenight: NO!!!!

BlatheringBlatherskite: …can I have another hint?

iamthenight: No!!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Awwww

alienpuncher: You were close

iamthenight: I SAID STOP

alienpuncher: He was going to figure it out sooner or later

iamthenight: NO HE WASN’T

alienpuncher: Yes, he was.

alienpuncher: Or did you want to wait until AFTER a life or death situation?

iamthenight: YES THAT

alienpuncher: I wish you could hear how hard I’m sighing

{1:56 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Fenton? Are you still there?

alienpuncher: look what you did DW

alienpuncher: You killed him

iamthenight: ME?!

alienpuncher: He just wanted the blueprints…

iamthenight: HE’S FINE

alienpuncher: I can’t believe Darkwing Duck killed Gizmoduck

alienpuncher: What a tragedy

iamthenight: CUT IT OUT

iamthenight: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

alienpuncher: It’s a shame you’re an only child

iamthenight: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING

alienpuncher: You’d know if you had a sibling

iamthenight: YOU ARE A MENACE

{4:23 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: D R A K E M A L L A R D

alienpuncher: HE LIVES

iamthenight: AND HE KNOWS MY IDENTITY

iamthenight: QUICK WE HAVE TO KILL HIM

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT?!

alienpuncher: He’s kidding

iamthenight: Not really.

alienpuncher: What happened to you?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I passed out on the lab floor for twelve hours.

BlatheringBlatherskite: When I woke up, I had an illumination about Wingy’s Identity

alienpuncher: You guys HAVE to stop pulling all nighters

alienpuncher: Scrooge doesn’t pay overtime

BlatheringBlatherskite: I know but we’re so close!

iamthenight: You can have the blueprints

BlatheringBlatherskite: Really?

iamthenight: Yeah but I’m not the one who built the plane

BlatheringBlatherskite: Oh ok

BlatheringBlatherskite: Who did?

iamthenight: Launchpad

BlatheringBlatherskite: LAUNCHPAD BUILT A PLANE?!

alienpuncher: It makes sense if you think about it

alienpuncher: You can’t crash something that’s already been destroyed unless you fix it back up again

alienpuncher: He disassembled and reassembled the Sunchaser in 5 hours once

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT

alienpuncher: To be fair, we were in a rush

iamthenight: Yeah, he’s almost as good at building as he is at crashing

alienpuncher: He could have picked a better time to do it

iamthenight: Don’t blame my sidekick just because you irritated people you thought were gods

alienpuncher: THEY ARE GODS

iamthenight: NO! THERE ARE NO GODS!

alienpuncher: YES! THERE ARE!

iamthenight: THEY WERE MAGIC USERS WHO TRICKED YOU

alienpuncher: HOW CAN YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC BUT NOT BELIEVE IN THE GREEK GODS

iamthenight: BECAUSE IT’S NOT NORMAL

alienpuncher: YOU!!

alienpuncher: ARE DATING!!

alienpuncher: A SORCERESS!!

alienpuncher: AND NOTHING WE DO IS NORMAL!!!

iamthenight: DONALD I’M GOING TO FIGHT YOU

alienpuncher: BRING IT DRAKE

BlatheringBlatherskite: Donald…?

iamthenight: SHIT

BlatheringBlatherskite: AS IN DONALD DUCK?! MR. MCDUCK’S NEPHEW?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I KNEW YOU WERE BEST FRIENDS WITH PK – well the whole city knew – BUT I DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE ACTUALLY HIM

BlatheringBlatherskite: IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE THE LONGER I THINK ABOUT IT

alienpuncher: I want to be upset but with the emergency contact thing, you were going to figure it out eventually

BlatheringBlatherskite: Do you remember thanking me for saving your nephews?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I should have been the one thanking you

BlatheringBlatherskite: You saved my mom and her partner from the purple aliens

iamthenight: ALIENS?!

iamthenight: ALIENS AREN’T REAL!!

alienpuncher: YES THEY ARE!!

iamthenight: WE AREN’T HAVING THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN

iamthenight: I REFUSE

iamthenight: I’M GOING ON PATROL

BlatheringBlatherskite: I hope you both know that this is the craziest chat I’ve ever been a part of

BlatheringBlatherskite: Also, is he ok?

alienpuncher: Yeah

alienpuncher: …I’m actually at the money bin right now and Scrooge is stuck in a meeting, do you mind if I come down?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Could you bring some coffee?

alienpuncher: Yeah


	8. Negaverse 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negaverse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chainsawbestsaw = Negaduck  
> professionalsmasher = Nega!Launchpad  
> diabolicallymechanical = Nega!Fenton  
> planetdestroyer/DuckRevenger = Nega!Donald  
> SupremeOne = Nega!Uno

{6:32 p.m.}

~iamthenight added Launchpad to the chat~

iamthenight: we might have a problem

alienpuncher: Is this child related or hero related

~Launchpad changed their name to professionalcrasher~

professionalcrasher: Hi Donald!

alienpuncher: Hi Lp

iamthenight: Its hero related

BlatheringBlatherskite: What’s going on?

professionalcrasher: Hi gizmoduck!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Hiya Launchpad!

professionalcrasher: Gasp! He knows my name!

alienpuncher: You don’t have to type Gasp when you gasp

iamthenight: FOCUS

alienpuncher: Sorry

BlatheringBlatherskite: Sorry

professionalcrasher: Focus on what?

iamthenight: I’m trying to tell you!

professionalcrasher: But I’m sitting right next to you??

iamthenight: I’M TRYING TO TELL THE WHOLE GROUP

alienpuncher: JUST TELL US

iamthenight: I’M TRYING, STOP YELLING

alienpuncher: YOU DID IT FIRST

BlatheringBlatherskite: GUYS PLEASE

professionalcrasher: I LIKE TYPING LIKE THIS

iamthenight: STOP TALKING

alienpuncher: WE ARE IN A GROUP CHAT!!!

alienpuncher: NO ONE IS TALKING, JUST SPIT IT OUT!

iamthenight: I WAS THROWN INTO A CAKE AND SENT TO THE NEGAVERSE

BlatheringBlatherskite: What’s a negaverse?

iamthenight: It’s my archnemesis Negaduck’s homeworld

alienpuncher: Are you aware that the wierdest part of your sentence isn’t the implication that you were sent to an alternate dimension?

BlatheringBlatherskite: You were sent to a different dimension? How is that possible?

iamthenight: I don’t know but the cake is gone now, I pulled some kind of plug

alienpuncher: So why is this a problem?

iamthenight: In case it comes back

alienpuncher: Sounds like a you problem

iamthenight: Donald if Negaduck is the alternate version of ME then there’s an alternate version of ALL of us

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT?!

alienpuncher: I’m putting my phone down and leaving

BlatheringBlatherskite: I MIGHT HAVE TO FIGHT MYSELF?!

iamthenight: DONALD

alienpuncher: NO I’M RETIRED

iamthenight: HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR TECH

BlatheringBlatherskite: !!!

alienpuncher: NOPE

alienpuncher: I’M OUT

professionalcrasher: I wonder if NegaLaunchpad likes crashing too

BlatheringBlatherskite: I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF US

iamthenight: YOU MIGHT HAVE TO FENTON, SO GET OVER IT AND GET OVER IT SOON

professionalcrasher: No worries Fenton! I’ll be your sidekick so you won’t have to fight alone!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Thanks Launchpad…

{7:12 p.m.}

Donald: What do you know about alternate realities

Uno: Who exactly do you think you’re talking to?

{6:32 p.m.}

chainsawbestsaw: Alright which one of you bozos spilled the beans to McDuouche

professionalsmasher: I bet it was Gizmo

diabolicallymechanical: NO IT WASN’T

diabolicallymechanical: YOU KNOW I HATE HIM

planetdestroyer: Relax gizmo, Negaduck’s just being pissy cause he let the info leak about darkwing

planetdestroyer: Smooth move by the way. I’m impressed at just how badly you messed that up

chainsawbestsaw: SHUT UP

chainsawbestsaw: DIE IN A FIRE

planetdestroyer: You had your enemy practically in the palm of your hand…

planetdestroyer: And he walked away scott-free while making a fool of you

chainsawbestsaw: Have you met my chainsaw? BECAUSE I THINK YOU SHOULD

diabolicallymechanical: Why are you texting us?

chainsawbestsaw: BECAUSE SCROOGE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE PORTAL, SHIT FOR BRAINS

planetdestroyer: And this is our problem because…oh wait, it’s not.

chainsawbestsaw: It’s your problem because if Scrooge takes it there won’t be anything left for you.

diabolicallymechanical: What are you proposing?

chainsawbestsaw: Keep McDipshit off my back and away from my portal and I’ll let you have some fun in Darkwing Dipshit’s world

planetdestroyer: Define fun

professionalsmasher: Haven’t you ever wanted to pummel a weaker and more pathetic version of yourself

planetdestroyer: No

diabolicallymechanical: Yes

chainsawbestsaw: There’s a version of scrooge you can pummel too

planetdestroyer: When do we start?

{7:12 p.m.}

DuckRevenger: Tell me everything you know about alternate universes

SupremeOne: No

DuckRevenger: You owe me

SupremeOne: We’re even

DuckRevenger: Are we? I was sure I remembered you saying you’d do anything to leave the tower and slaughter hundreds…must have been my hearing…

DuckRevenger: I’ll make it worth your while.

SupremeOne: …Fine.


	9. Shadow War Jinxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magica appears!

{2:32 p.m.}

professionalcrasher: Donald? There’s something I think you should know

backup: What’s wrong? Are the kids hurt? Is everything okay?

professionalcrasher: We’re fine but…

backup: ?

professionalcrasher: Well, I thought you should know since it seems pretty important.

backup: What did Scrooge do?

professionalcrasher: How’d you know it was Mr. McD?

backup: He’s always up to something. What happened?

professionalcrasher: Mr. McD was telling the kids about someone named Della?

professionalcrasher: It seemed pretty heavy and everyone’s been on edge for the past few hours

professionalcrasher: …Donald?

backup: Thanks for telling me.

professionalcrasher: Is everything alright?

backup: I…I don’t know

{6:58 p.m.}

LuckyGoose: Hey Double D!

Donald: What do you want Gladstone

LuckyGoose: I’m in the area! I’m going to stop by!

Donald: You’d better not.

LuckyGoose: Awww don’t be that way Cuz

Donald: I mean it Gladstone. The kids just found out about Della.

LuckyGoose: oh

LuckyGoose: …Do you want help talking to them about it?

Donald: Maybe later. They’re upset and they need time to cool off

LuckyGoose: Alright, I’ll hang around Duckburg for awhile

Donald: …thanks

{11:48 a.m.}

LuckyGoose: Uh, Donald?

Donald: Your shadow just bailed on you didn’t it?

LuckyGoose: Oh good you already know, have fun dealing with it! I’m going to the beach!

Donald: I hate you

LuckyGoose: ;)

{11:52 a.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: DONALD

alienpuncher: YOUR SHADOW, I KNOW!

BlatheringBlatherskite: IT TOOK MY SUIT

alienpuncher: WHAT!?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’M HEADING TOWARDS THE BIN

alienpuncher: Take the bridge and meet up with Gyro! We need a distraction!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Got it!

{12:13 p.m.}

iamthenight: Wow, looks intense over there…

~alienpuncher sent a photo~

iamthenight: That’s vaguely horrifying

iamthenight: WAIT ARE YOU FIGHTING THOSE THINGS WITH YOUR SHITTY BOAT

iamthenight: RIP

alienpuncher: DON’T JINX IT

{12:26 p.m.}

~BlatheringBlatherskite sent a photo~

iamthenight: what in the hell is that thing?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: An army of shadows??

iamthenight: ARE YOU COMPLETELY MISSING THE HORSE WITH A STONE DUCK FOR A HEAD

BlatheringBlatherskite: HIS NAME IS MANNY AND HE HAS DONE NOTHING TO YOU

{1:08 p.m.}

alienpuncher: You jinxed it.

iamthenight: Is the fight over?

alienpuncher: Yeah

iamthenight: Everyone okay?

alienpuncher: My family is okay, but we lost someone.

iamthenight: …Gos and I are coming down

alienpuncher: Yeah, I think that might be a good idea. Webby kind of needs a friend right now.

{1:21 p.m.}

iamthenight: If it makes you feel better I was wrong about the aliens.

alienpuncher: That does help me feel a little better.

alienpuncher: A lot has happened in the past 24 hours, I just need time to process. I think we all need time to process.

alienpuncher: Do you want to talk about it?

iamthenight: Maybe when you get here

alienpuncher: Chess?

iamthenight: Chess


	10. Enemies Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has blood mention

{8:58 p.m.}

iamthenight: Negaduck is back

alienpuncher: What happened to the portal?

iamthenight: I suspect it must have reformed

BlatheringBlatherskite: Is this why you’re wanted for a million dollars?

iamthenight: WAS

iamthenight: I WAS wanted for a million dollars.

iamthenight: And yes. Negaduck disguised himself as me and framed me for crimes.

alienpuncher: Funny, I would have thought they’d offer two million at least.

iamthenight: Right!?

alienpuncher: I was joking

iamthenight: Shows what you know

BlatheringBlatherskite: So does this mean we might have to fight our doubles?

iamthenight: We should start planning for it at the very least.

alienpuncher: Can we assume we’ll be fighting in our own dimension?

iamthenight: Yeah Negs didn’t like it when I went to his.

alienpuncher: Homefield advantage, at least.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah and we’ll be working together! So, they’ll have to take us all on without the advantage of being friends or helping each other out!

BlatheringBlatherskite: …right?

professionalcrasher: Right!

iamthenight: Right but that’s also our greatest weakness.

iamthenight: They might try to split us up

alienpuncher: I’ll notify the Agency, you notify SHUSH

alienpuncher: The more help we get, the better.

iamthenight: We don’t need help

alienpuncher: Justice Ducks

iamthenight: …We might need help

BlatheringBlatherskite: What’s a Justice Duck?

BlatheringBlatherskite: If they do split us up, should we pick a rendezvous point just in case.

iamthenight: Don’t worry about the Justice Ducks, I’ll tell you later. A meetup spot might be a good idea.

iamthenight: My house?

alienpuncher: Works for me.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Me too.

alienpuncher: I’ll start carrying the shield around in my car, the second you think something is up let us know.

alienpuncher: Fenton, how fast can you fly?

BlatheringBlatherskite: 80 mph

alienpuncher: You’re riding with me then.

BlatheringBlatherskite: How fast can you drive?

alienpuncher: It can fly up to 1,000 mph

BlatheringBlatherskite: THAT’S NOT A CAR THAT’S A JET

alienpuncher: Yeah

BlatheringBlatherskite: !!???

alienpuncher: I keep forgetting your standard of advanced tech is the Gizmosuit.

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

iamthenight: It means he used to work for Ducklair and his car was built by him.

BlatheringBlatherskite: THE Everett Ducklair?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU HAVE TO LET ME SEE YOUR CAR

alienpuncher: On the condition that you don’t disassemble it

BlatheringBlatherskite: LET ME TOUCH IT AT LEAST

alienpuncher: You can push one button.

BlatheringBlatherskite: DONE

{6:35 p.m.}

iamthenight: Fenton I know you’re literally a room over, but can you turn the television down?

alienpuncher: ???

BlatheringBlatherskite: ???

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m at the lab??

alienpuncher: He’s sitting right next to me???

iamthenight: WELL THAT’S NOT A GOOD SIGN

{6:42 p.m.}

Donald: I’m going out with Drake tonight, can Gosalyn stay over with the kids?

Beakley: I suppose

Donald: Thanks Mrs. B

Donald: I owe you one

{6:58 p.m.}

alienpuncher: We’re almost there, what’s your status?

iamthenight: I’m chasing NegaFenton with LP and Gos, we’re heading towards the warehouse on 51st street and SHUSH is standing by

alienpuncher: I’m putting Gos in the car to go to the Mansion the second I reach you. I’ve already taken care of our cover story.

iamthenight: Thanks.

alienpuncher: You-know-what is also on standby.

{7:02 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: We’re here!

iamthenight: Our Negaselves are the only ones I see. Gos is by me, so put her in the car and we’ll get the drop on them.

alienpuncher: Four on four? No fearsome five?

iamthenight: Correct.

alienpuncher: Then let’s get dangerous.

iamthenight: GET YOUR OWN CATCHPHRASE

{7:18 p.m.}

iamthenight: Negaduck and NegaLP are down. Is everyone alright?

iamthenight: I hate that they managed to split us up. Remember the rendezvous.

{7:21 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: NegaGizmo is down. We ended up at a junkyard.

professionalcrasher: What happened?

iamthenight: Are you okay?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Long story short we got into a “magnetic” fight and I resisted the “pull” better than he did. I’ve just got some bruises, but I’m out of a suit. How about you guys?

professionalcrasher: Dw got nicked by Negaduck’s chainsaw and I took some hits from a bat with nails but we’re in one piece.

BlatheringBlatherskite: That sounds awful, are you sure you’re alright?

iamthenight: We might need stitches.

professionalcrasher: DW needs stitches

iamthenight: LAUNCHPAD

professionalcrasher: Sorry but you’re bleeding a lot

iamthenight: Forget it, has anyone heard from Donald?

BlatheringBlatherskite: No, I’m going to go look for him

iamthenight: They were headed towards the docks when I last saw them

BlatheringBlatherskite: Got it.

{7:29 p.m.}

alienpuncher: Sorry guys

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why? What happened?

professionalcrasher: Donald?

iamthenight: DON’T YOU DARE

alienpuncher: They got me

BlatheringBlatherskite: There was more than one?!

alienpuncher: They ran off but I don’t know where

iamthenight: FENTON HURRY UP

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN

iamthenight: RUN

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU TRY RUNNING WITH A BROKEN ARM AND LEG

iamthenight: I THOUGHT YOU JUST HAD BRUISES

BlatheringBlatherskite: I LIED

iamthenight: QUIT TEXTING AND FOCUS

professionalcrasher: Fenton it’s all you dude, DW needs to lie still but he won’t quit panicking!

alienpuncher: I love you guys

professionalcrasher: Donald hang in there! Talk to me! What happened?

alienpuncher: I fell for the oldest trick in the book

alienpuncher: I’m using the shield’s voice command to text you guys and it keeps reading out your texts in a funny way

professionalcrasher: Keep talking, tell us what happened!

alienpuncher: He had a friend with him and for a second I thought

professionalcrasher: Donald?!

alienpuncher: I got stabbed

professionalcrasher: Where?

alienpuncher: Stomach

alienpuncher: Can you tell my boys I love them

iamthenight: TELL THEM YOURSELF

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m almost there, hang on! Tell me where you are exactly!

{7:42 p.m.}

professionalcrasher: Fenton what’s going on?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Some agents are here, they’re taking Don and I to a hospital.

professionalcrasher: SHUSH picked us up too, Dw passed out after your last text.

professionalcrasher: How bad is it?

BlatheringBlatherskite: It’s bad

BlatheringBlatherskite: It’s really bad

BlatheringBlatherskite: There’s a lot of blood

BlatheringBlatherskite: He got impaled LP, I thought he was dead when I showed up.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Tell me drake isn’t just as bad

professionalcrasher: The docs in the ambulance say it just hit muscle. It really is just a nick, it just…it’s not a pretty wound.

BlatheringBlatherskite: This sucks

professionalcrasher: I know

{8:08 p.m.}

planetdestroyer: That went well

chainsawbestsaw: SHUT UP

professionalsmasher: BURN IN HELL

diabolicallymechanical: YOU SUCK

planetdestroyer: no, I’M THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO DOESN’T SUCK

planetdestroyer: I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD TO SAVE YOUR SORRY ASSES

planetdestroyer: AND NOW I’VE LOST THE ADVANTAGE OVER MY COUNTERPART

planetdestroyer: The deal is off NegaDuck, I refuse to carry this group to victory by myself.

chainsawbestsaw: FINE. I DON’T NEED YOU

diabolicallymechanical: I’m out too

chainsawbestsaw: Aww is Gizmo embarrassed?

diabolicallymechanical: Yes, by you.

chainsawbestsaw: Watch your tongue, YOU MIGHT LOSE IT

chainsawbestsaw: I DON’T NEED ANY OF YOU, THIS ALLIANCE IS OVER


	11. Recovery?

{2:58 a.m.}

iamthenight: EVERYTHING HURTS

BlatheringBlatherskite: I KNOW I CAN HEAR YOU GROANING

iamthenight: Am I really that loud?

BlatheringBlatherskite: No, I’m just on the other side of the curtain

iamthenight: Oh.

iamthenight: Are we all in the same room?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah.

iamthenight: Then, why are we still texting?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Because LP is asleep

iamthenight: WHERE’S DONALD

BlatheringBlatherskite: Across from you, you’re both by the doors in case one of you went critical.

iamthenight: How is he?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Recovering, he was in surgery for almost eight hours. They said if he makes it through the night his chances of recovery is almost 100%

iamthenight: What about you and Lp?

BlatheringBlatherskite: My left arm and right leg are in a cast for a fracture on the leg and a clean break on the arm. Lp had a lot of bruises and cuts but out of all of us he’s the better off.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Wait a minute

BlatheringBlatherskite: How’d you get your phone?

iamthenight: Trade secret. Where are we?

BlatheringBlatherskite: According to LP, one of SHUSH’s hospitals.

iamthenight: Have you heard anything from Gosalyn?

BlatheringBlatherskite: LP was texting her earlier, a director guy came in and gave us a cover story

iamthenight: Director Hooter?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah that’s him.

iamthenight: What’s our story?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Since Lp and Don are who they are we can’t go with a mugger story so they’ve decided on a car wreck.

iamthenight: Yeah it’s hard to believe Lp would be mugged and Donald’s connections are well known, the car story is probably the best.

iamthenight: …wait, ARE THEY USING MY CAR

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’m going back to sleep, you should too.

iamthenight: FENTON ARE YOU SERIOUS

BlatheringBlatherskite: You never use it anyway, and your car makes the most sense!

iamthenight: I refuse to pay to get it fixed

BlatheringBlatherskite: Relax Wingy, I’m sure SHUSH will take care of it

{4:58 p.m.}

Donald: U are 1 cold ss scary motherfurk

Uno: What?

Donald: Dont u ever go evil on me

Uno: We’ve had this conversation before Donald, it’s not in my code

Donald: God

Donald: waz vry painfl

Uno: I can’t read that

Donald: ur t best

Uno: Yes, I’m very advanced but what’s brought this on?

Donald: Don worry out t

Uno: Donald?

Donald: I’m SO sorry, he’s on multiple painkillers right now so please disregard everything he’s saying! – Fenton

Uno: Who are you? What’s wrong with Donald?

Donald: Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera at your service! We were in a car crash, he’ll be fine! I’ll have him text you later!

{5:12 p.m.}

iamthenight: Give him back his phone

BlatheringBlatherskite: No

iamthenight: Oh come on! It’ll be hilarious!

BlatheringBlatherskite: That’s not very hero-like

iamthenight: I got chainsaw-ed. Sue me.

professionalcrasher: Is he still high on the drugs?

iamthenight: He keeps trying to tell people he loves them.

iamthenight: He just said it to his heartbeat monitor! He called it a Good Friend and then patted it’s stand!

BlatheringBlatherskite: He’s sweet

iamthenight: Hurry up and come back after you finish with your release forms Lp, this is great!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Something’s wrong

iamthenight: oh shit

BlatheringBlatherskite: HE’S CRYING ON ME, WHAT DO I DO?

iamthenight: I DON’T KNOW, USUALLY WE JUST GET A DRINK AND PLAY CHESS WHEN HE’S SAD

{11:35 a.m.}

alienpuncher: I am never doing this again.

iamthenight: I agree, let’s never do that again.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Seconded

professionalcrasher: Thirded

iamthenight: Since half of us are still stuck here, will the Free Ducks please bring us a burger

BlatheringBlatherskite: NO IT’S NOT HEALTHY YOU NEED REAL FOOD

alienpuncher: COMPARED TO THE CRAP THE HOSPITAL IS FEEDING US IT IS REAL FOOD!

professionalcrasher: We’re bringing Scrooge and the kids!

alienpuncher: Yay!

iamthenight: Yay.

alienpuncher: >:(

iamthenight: I like the children. McDuck? Not so much

alienpuncher: That’s fair.

iamthenight: Here’s hoping they don’t jump on us

alienpuncher: Oh boy

iamthenight: Rest in peace, Donald.


	12. Christmas time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time passes

{10:21 a.m.}

alienpuncher: The kids want phones for Christmas

iamthenight: So does Gos

alienpuncher: What do you think?

iamthenight: I think I’m going to give her one, I’d like for her to be able to call me if she needs me

alienpuncher: I agree but it’s so expensive…

iamthenight: So buy the triplets one phone and call it a day

alienpuncher: That’s not a bad idea, but I’m worried they’ll fight over it even with a set schedule for who gets the phone and when

BlatheringBlatherskite: I can build you guys phones

alienpuncher: You can?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah, I can use McDuck satellites, so they’ll have service and data.

iamthenight: Is that legal?

BlatheringBlatherskite: There’s no law against homemade phones.

alienpuncher: Well that takes a couple hundred bucks off, but the service plan…

BlatheringBlatherskite: It’s actually not that bad

iamthenight: He’s not wrong, I’m looking at the prices now.

alienpuncher: How much for the phones, Fenton?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Are you kidding? I can buy all the parts on Duckway for twenty bucks at most.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Consider it an early Christmas present from me to you

alienpuncher: Bullshit, I’m not letting you slave over four phones for a Christmas present

alienpuncher: You’re saving me from eating months worth of ramen

iamthenight: You’re not saving me that much, but I agree with Donald

BlatheringBlatherskite: No really, it’s fine

alienpuncher: There’s a new restaurant that just opened up in town, I was telling Drake about it earlier

iamthenight: The owners have a place over here too, it’s pretty good.

alienpuncher: You still haven’t seen The Martian, have you? We can go after dinner.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Guys, I’m serious

iamthenight: So are we

alienpuncher: Let us at least buy you dinner and a movie ticket

iamthenight: We’ll have a guys night out, I’ll invite LP too

BlatheringBlatherskite: …that does sound fun…

alienpuncher: Come on Fenton, you haven’t left the lab since you got released from the hospital

alienpuncher: And I have to get out of this house, Scrooge won’t let me leave

iamthenight: Are you still in a wheelchair?

alienpuncher: Yeah, but I’m out of it next Friday. Then I get a cane and more PT.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Oh! I get to have my last cast removed Friday too!

iamthenight: How about next Saturday? We can celebrate your freedoms

alienpuncher: Works for me!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Me too!

{2:26 p.m.}

alienpuncher: You said your mom was born in Puerto Rico?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yes!

alienpuncher: Would it be insensitive of me to have some friends send some foods and candies over from it?

BlatheringBlatherskite: That’s probably the best Christmas present you could give her! She said she misses some of the candies sometimes

alienpuncher: Which ones?

{4:58 p.m.}

alienpuncher: I’m going to get Fenton a book for Christmas, do you think that’s okay?

iamthenight: As long as you’re not giving him the same book I am.

alienpuncher: …Hamilton?

iamthenight: SHIT

alienpuncher: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

alienpuncher: WELL ONE OF US IS GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE

{11:03 a.m.}

professionalcrasher: What are you getting DW for Christmas?

alienpuncher: A poster of himself.

alienpuncher: Fenton is building him some gadgets.

professionalcrasher: Oh, that’s good! I’m just wondering…

alienpuncher: ?

professionalcrasher: Do you think he’d like a photo of all of us?

professionalcrasher: I’ve got one from when we went to the movies, but do you think it’s okay?

alienpuncher: I think he’ll love it.

professionalcrasher: …Do you think Fenton would like one too?

alienpuncher: No doubt

professionalcrasher: and you?

alienpuncher: Only if you don’t oppose me immediately framing it.

{3:32 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: What should I get Donald?

iamthenight: I’m giving him a chess set, he enjoys sentimental presents over grand ones

BlatheringBlatherskite: What if I put a panic button on the phones? So he’s always one button push away from his kids?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’ll do it for Gos’ phone too

iamthenight: He might actually try to kiss you for it.

{8:21 a.m.}

alienpuncher: You’re all coming to Christmas right?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah! M’ma and I are cooking for it now!

iamthenight: I’ve got the turkey, we’ll be down early so we can stick it in your oven.

alienpuncher: What temperature?

iamthenight: 375

alienpuncher: Got it, is LP coming down with you?

iamthenight: Yeah

alienpuncher: Perfect

{7:48 p.m.}

Huey: Gos!

Dewey: We!

Louie: Got!

Huey: Phones!

Gosalyn: So did I!

Dewey: We’re going to give your number to Webby! She got one too!

Webby: Hello!

Gosalyn: Hi!

Gosalyn: This is going to be great!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosalyn has never been in a group chat before (none of them have), can you tell?


	13. A Grand Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of PKNE, things are getting weird and someone is officially out of retirement…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more easily understood if you've read the PKNE comics, but the chapter is not necessary for the story so if you don't want to, you don't have to read this!

{10:12 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHY ARE THE PURPLE ALIENS BACK?!

professionalcrasher: WHAT’S GOING ON

BlatheringBlatherskite: THEY’RE SWARMING DUCKLAIR TOWER!!

alienpuncher: GUYS NOT NOW

{10:35 p.m.}

iamthenight: Donald, where’s Ducklair tower?

alienpuncher: NOT NOW

iamthenight: DONALD, WHERE’S DUCKLAIR TOWER

BlatheringBlatherskite: IT JUST VANISHED INTO THIN AIR, THERE’S NOTHING LEFT

professionalcrasher: WHAT DID YOU DO

{8:10 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Sorry, time travel and all that

iamthenight: THAT EXPLAINS NOTHING

alienpuncher: The full explanation is more confusing

BlatheringBlatherskite: Try us

alienpuncher: The Evronians came back and killed me and took over the world so a friend in the future saved me and sent me back to the present for an upgrade and basically I stopped the Evronians so everything is fine now.

BlatheringBlatherskite: YOU DIED!?

alienpuncher: No. That’s the point.

professionalcrasher: I understand none of this

iamthenight: Let me get this straight.

iamthenight: You died, and your future buddies pulled some strings, so you could change your fate and not die

alienpuncher: Basically

iamthenight: Unbelievable

alienpuncher: Excuse you, I’ve got the scars to prove it. I almost died.

BlatheringBlatherskite: I thought the idea was for you to NOT die

alienpuncher: Yeah, but I had to fight the Evronain army again so I wouldn’t

professionalcrasher: You risked your life to save your own life?

alienpuncher: Yeah?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I need more coffee

professionalcrasher: Does this mean you’re out of retirement?

alienpuncher: I don’t know?

alienpuncher: Lyla just called me out on tv, so I have to go help her with something.

iamthenight: It SOUNDS like you’re back

{9:56 p.m.}

alienpuncher: I forgot how much of a pain time travel is

BlatheringBlatherskite: How? Aren’t you just traveling to different time periods?

alienpuncher: I wish

alienpuncher: Turns out Time is very fragile.

alienpuncher: You change one thing and everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

iamthenight: I’ve done it a couple times, no thanks.

{10:06 a.m.}

iamthenight: This weather is insane, what in the world is going on?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I can’t even leave my house!

professionalcrasher: Are you guys okay?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah, M’ma and I are fine, we’ve got the heater turned up. What about you?

iamthenight: We’ve got a fire going but at this rate we’ll be sleeping under at least ten covers.

professionalcrasher: Dewey says they’re stuck in the mansion

BlatheringBlatherskite: has anyone heard from Donald?

professionalcrasher: I guess his new boss sent him to Antarctica

iamthenight: In this weather?

BlatheringBlatherskite: The Ducklair Foundation is building tunnels under all this snow, I can’t see the sky anymore. We’re turning into mole people here, Antarctica is the last place I’d want to be.

{1:44 p.m.}

iamthenight: This is officially unnatural. I’m blaming Donald

alienpuncher: Why me?!

iamthenight: You want me to believe the weather did this on its own? We were buried up to our houses in snow thirty minutes ago! Now there isn’t enough to build a snow man and the cities are flooded!

alienpuncher: It was the en’tomek

iamthenight: You are lying

BlatheringBlatherskite: That is not a real word

alienpuncher: YOU FELL IN A CAKE TO END UP IN AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION AND YOU WON’T BELIEVE IN AN ALIEN SPECIES?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: THERE ARE MORE ALIENS?!

alienpuncher: NOT ANYMORE

professionalcrasher: What were they doing? Eating the sun?

iamthenight: That’s a good one

alienpuncher: Yeah, they were draining it

iamthenight: WHAT

professionalcrasher: I WAS JOKING

BlatheringBlatherskite: DONALD, WHAT THE DUCK

alienpuncher: ooo Fenton cursed

iamthenight: I didn’t know he was capable

professionalcrasher: You did it, buddy!

BlatheringBlatherskite: THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON

{12:29 p.m.}

iamthenight: Hey, Donald?

alienpuncher: Yeah?

iamthenight: You remember when my city was cut off from everyone else and I didn’t let you help me even though you offered?

alienpuncher: Unfortunately

iamthenight: Do you need help?

alienpuncher: Yes

iamthenight: Alright, how do I get in?

~alienpuncher sent a photo~

alienpuncher: Ducklair tower has multiple entrances, you just have to know where they are.

alienpuncher: I’m going to go pick up someone I think can help, in the meantime you and Fenton help get people into the tower for safekeeping.

BlatheringBlatherskite: You got it!

iamthenight: Where have you been?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I was contacted by Mr. Hecks once the barrier went up, so I’m already helping out!

{2:11 p.m.}

professionalcrasher: DONALD, MR. MCDUCK WON’T LEAVE THE BIN

alienpuncher: WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS

professionalcrasher: They’re with me at the tower! Everyone is out but your Uncle!

alienpuncher: He’s going to get himself killed!

BlatheringBlatherskite: I’ve got him

BlatheringBlatherskite: I don’t got him DONALD THE BIG ALIENS ARE HERE

alienpuncher: HANG ON WE’RE COMING

{4:02 p.m.}

BlatheringBlatherskite: Hey, let’s not do that again

iamthenight: Agreed, I’m done with aliens

alienpuncher: I thought you liked meeting One and Ducklair?

BlatheringBlatherskite: I did but everything hurts

alienpuncher: It could have been worse

iamthenight: Yeah, whatever Ducklair did worked. We didn’t even really fight that much.

BlatheringBlatherskite: WE WERE THROWN AROUND LIKE RAGDOLLS

BlatheringBlatherskite: I WAS THROWN AGAINST A WALL LIKE A WET PAPER TOWEL

professionalcrasher: But no one died!

alienpuncher: Yeah, Dw didn’t die this time

iamthenight: I DIDN’T DIE LAST TIME EITHER

alienpuncher: WE THOUGHT YOU DID SO IT COUNTS

iamthenight: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS FROM SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY DIED IN OUR LAST FIGHT

alienpuncher: I ONLY DIED A LITTLE

BlatheringBlatherskite: THAT IS NOT A THING

professionalcrasher: YOU DIED A LOT

alienpuncher: NO I DID NOT

iamthenight: YOU DIED TWICE

professionalcrasher: THAT’S TWO TIMES TOO MANY

alienpuncher: WELL NO ONE DIED THIS TIME NOW DID THEY?!

professionalcrasher: Not that I know of

BlatheringBlatherskite: We got everyone out in time. There are some minor injuries, but everyone is ok

iamthenight: and we’re all in one piece so no, no one died this time.

alienpuncher: Good, I’m glad that’s settled

BlatheringBlatherskite: You are definitely out of retirement now, though

iamthenight: There’s no going back anymore

professionalcrasher: Welcome back!

alienpuncher: Thanks LP

alienpuncher: It’s good to be back


	14. In which things get Difficult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain reporter makes things harder

{9:12 a.m.}

~iamthenight sent a link~

iamthenight: Have you seen this?

alienpuncher: Yes.

alienpuncher: I was just about to ask you how the footage was leaked

BlatheringBlatherskite: Dios Mio, I didn’t even know that was on tape

alienpuncher: I knew SHUSH had it, but how did it get out?

professionalcrasher: How did you know SHUSH took video of you getting stabbed?

alienpuncher: Uno has a copy from when he went looking for answers about the ‘car crash’

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why? I never want to see that? I saw the aftermath and that was enough for me. No thanks.

iamthenight: They didn’t take video, they got it off of a security camera that caught the whole thing

alienpuncher: Why didn’t they delete it

iamthenight: They did, but they kept a copy for documentation and evidence against the Negas

professionalcrasher: So someone leaked it?

BlatheringBlatherskite: But why would anyone want to do that?

alienpuncher: And why leak it to Fangus of all people?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Who’s Fangus?

alienpuncher: You remember the article about you stealing police jobs?

BlatheringBlatherskite: Yeah?

alienpuncher: That was him

iamthenight: He used to write articles about PK and how much he was a menace and tried to make him look like a villain

BlatheringBlatherskite: Why? What happened to make him think that way?

alienpuncher: He knows perfectly well I’m a good guy. He just wants attention.

BlatheringBlatherskite: That explains a lot actually

professionalcrasher: Yeah the article is about you dying, that’s pretty attention grabbing.

iamthenight: It’s clearly not true, you were at the bridge collapse and the Ikea Incident. You’re obviously not dead.

BlatheringBlatherskite: Wingy, did you read the whole article?

iamthenight: No? I saw the cover and immediately sent it to you guys, hang on I’ll read it now.

{9:26 a.m.}

iamthenight: WHAT?!

iamthenight: HE THINKS YOU’RE A FAKE?!

BlatheringBlatherskite: Is it possible we could prove you’re still PK?

alienpuncher: I know things only PK does, but if he doesn’t want to accept it then it’s not worth it

iamthenight: True, he could dismiss what you or anyone else says

professionalcrasher: What if someone else said you were still alive and not a fake?

alienpuncher: It’d have to be someone people trust more than Fangus

iamthenight: Don’t you know powerful people?

alienpuncher: Yeah but it’s been years and I don’t think they’d respond to something so trivial.

alienpuncher: Just leave it, it’s not like it really matters in the long run

{6:47 p.m.}

alienpuncher: I just spent the past seven hours being interrogated by a government agent

iamthenight: What? Why?

alienpuncher: I’m the only person who knows some sensitive stuff and they wanted to make sure I wasn’t really a fake

alienpuncher: Thanks, Fangus

iamthenight: If it makes you feel better I know how the info got leaked

alienpuncher: How?

iamthenight: SHUSH was supposed to transport the info to other agencies and there was a mix-up

iamthenight: Apparently Fangus found his way inside by accidentally leaning against the secret door. He fell flat on his face.

alienpuncher: Someone’s been eating too many donuts

iamthenight: The footage made it look like he grabbed the nearest packages and scrammed once security found him.

alienpuncher: They didn’t bother chasing him?

iamthenight: They did, but he dropped one of the packages.

alienpuncher: So?

iamthenight: It was a bunch of unstable chemicals. Basically, once he dropped it it became a bomb.

alienpuncher: Are you telling me Angus Fangus blew himself up?

iamthenight: Nah he’s fine, but in the chaos, he slipped away.

iamthenight: And by slipped away I mean he actually slipped down a manhole.

alienpuncher: HE FELL IN THE SEWERS AFTER BLOWING HIMSELF UP

iamthenight: Yeah, we don’t know what happened after that, but we don’t have to guess.

alienpuncher: I should pay him a visit as PK

iamthenight: I’m coming with. I have a good opening line I just came up with.

alienpuncher: Does it involve falling into the city’s toilet?

iamthenight: Yes

alienpuncher: Then let’s go.

{7:12 p.m.}

~Agent33 sent a link~

Agent33: GUYS LOOK

Hue-y: PK IS DEAD?!

theDaringDewey: WHAT?!

nothinbutgreen: Hang on…look at the date of that photo

Agent33: EXACTLY

theDaringDewey: The wound…

Agent33: YES

Hue-y: But that would mean…

nothinbutgreen: No.

theDaringDewey: …the evidence is pretty telling…

nothinbutgreen: Our Uncle is not the Avenger.

Hue-y: Louie…

Agent33: It all matches up

nothinbutgreen: WE SAID NO MORE SECRETS

{7:16 p.m.}

Hue-y: We know.

hockeylover: Know what?

Hue-y: That Uncle Donald is PK

{7:17 p.m.}

Dewey: Uncle Scrooge, you need to see this

~Dewey sent a link~

{7:17 p.m.}

Uno: Donald, the children saw the article

Donald: How did they get it? It’s got an age restriction!

Donald: Nevermind, stupid question.

Uno: They know about PK.

Donald: Aw Phooey


	15. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They bring out the board

{7:26 p.m.}

UncleScrooge: Where are you

Huey: We’re in Webby’s room

Louie: She’s got a board

Webby: We’re compiling evidence to support our case

UncleScrooge: I’m coming

{7:28 p.m.}

Gos: Dad they know about Uncle Donald

Dad: How much?

Gos: Just that he’s PK

Dad: Ok.

Gos: Sorry

Gos: I couldn’t talk them out of it

Dad: It’s not your fault, you’re not in trouble. You’ve been doing great.

Dad: I’m sorry you had to keep this from them

{7:32 p.m.}

Gosalyn: Are you mad at me?

UncleDonald: Why would I be mad?

Gosalyn: Because HDLW found out about PK

UncleDonald: No, Gos, I’m not mad at you for that. I’m upset they found out, but not with you. This isn’t your fault.

UncleDonald: Hopefully things will be better now that there aren’t as many secrets between you and the other kids.

{7:53 p.m.}

alienpuncher: You know now that they know about me, they’re going to figure out who you are too

iamthenight: Yes.

alienpuncher: I’m not sure how to handle this

iamthenight: You’ve got a lot of evidence stacked against you, it might be better to come clean

alienpuncher: Yeah, I just don’t know how

alienpuncher: “Yeah kids, I’m the old superhero that just came out of retirement! I fight aliens and time travel!” I can’t imagine that will go over well

iamthenight: Have they approached you about it yet?

alienpuncher: No, but Uno says they’re gathering all kinds of information to throw at me.

alienpuncher: It’s only a matter of time

iamthenight: Do you want me and the others to come over and help?

alienpuncher: No, this is something I need to work out between me and the kids

alienpuncher: But when they figure out you’re DW, you might want to be ready.

iamthenight: Gos and I are coming down.

alienpuncher: I don’t know if that’s a good idea

iamthenight: We’re coming down

{8:06 p.m.}

alienpuncher: SCROOGE KNOWS TOO

iamthenight: WHAT

alienpuncher: THEY HAVE A BOARD FULL OF STUFF EVEN I’VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT, THERE’S NO WAY I CAN DENY ANYTHING. 

alienpuncher: THERE’S SO MUCH RED STRING, I CAN’T READ HALF THE BOARD

{8:29 p.m.}

Donald: Hey, do the thing where you take over the phone

Uno: I can only maintain it for a couple minutes

Donald: That’s fine, my family needs to meet you.

Uno: They’ve already met me

Donald: They need to see you, wise guy. I know that you know that I’m explaining everything to them right now.

{8:57 p.m.}

iamthenight: How’s it going

alienpuncher: Scrooge wants me to retire again and the kids are mad at me.

iamthenight: Not well, then.

alienpuncher: No

iamthenight: We’re twenty minutes away

{9:46 p.m.}

alienpuncher: I have to go out. Can you deal with the alligator in the bathroom?

iamthenight: The WHAT

{10:16 p.m.}

alienpuncher: Things just got more complicated. I don’t know when I’ll be back.

iamthenight: Where are you going?

alienpuncher: Space

iamthenight: Your timing is awful, can’t it wait until you’ve sorted out your family?

alienpuncher: No. It’s fine, I’ll be back by morning.

alienpuncher: Maybe.

alienpuncher: Not likely.

iamthenight: Great.

alienpuncher: Uno can keep us in contact

iamthenight: Keep me updated.

{10:23 p.m.}

Dad: How are the other kids?

Gos: We’re in Webby’s room talking about it. They’re upset that he didn’t tell them, but I think they’re mostly just worried.

Gos: I think they understand why he didn’t tell them, since he was supposed to be retired and only just recently became active again.

Dad: So most of the anger is just worry…Fangus’ article didn’t do us any favors there.

Gos: They’re also upset that I knew and they didn’t.

Gos: I’m trying to help, but they don’t want to listen to me. They still haven’t figured out who you are so they probably think I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Gos: Nevermind, they just figured it out.

Dad: You can tell them. We knew it would all come out eventually. Don’t try to defend us, Gos. Donald and I want you kids to stay friends. We were the ones who made you keep the secret.

Gos: But it’s not fair! I don’t want them to be mad at you or Uncle Donald! I only knew because I had to!

Dad: It’s alright, Spitfire. We’ll make it through this.

{10:26 p.m.}

ScroogeMcDuck: You know Darkwing, don’t you.

Launchpad: Yes?

ScroogeMcDuck: Do you know the Avenger?

Launchpad: Yes

ScroogeMcDuck: Come to my study.

{10:38 p.m.}

professionalcrasher: I’m in trouble

BlatheringBlatherskite: ?

iamthenight: You’re going to have to elaborate LP, we’re all in trouble.

BlatheringBlatherskite: ??

professionalcrasher: Mr. McDuck knows I know about Don being PK

professionalcrasher: He’s upset I didn’t tell him

BlatheringBlatherskite: OH NO THAT MEANS I’M NEXT

professionalcrasher: No, I was wrong. He’s upset Don told me but not him.

BlatheringBlatherskite: I want to say that’s better, but I can’t help but feel bad for Mr. McDuck

BlatheringBlatherskite: Wait, does Mr. McDuck know about Don?

iamthenight: He and the kids know everything

BlatheringBlatherskite: Including you?

iamthenight: The kids know about me, not sure about McDuck

professionalcrasher: he knows

iamthenight: Perfect.

iamthenight: Donald, did you get all that?

alienpuncher: KIND OF BUSY

BlatheringBlatherskite: Where are you?

iamthenight: He’s in space

BlatheringBlatherskite: WHAT

BlatheringBlatherskite: DONALD

BlatheringBlatherskite: AND YOU DIDN’T INVITE ME?!

alienpuncher: SORRY I’LL MAKE A RSVP NEXT TIME

{8:21 a.m.}

alienpuncher: Drake, don’t you ever tell anyone you deal with the multiverse on a weekly basis

iamthenight: Why?

alienpuncher: It’s a long story.

iamthenight: Are you done?

alienpuncher: Yeah, we’re heading back now, I’ll be home by lunch

iamthenight: Are you hurt?

alienpuncher: No.

{11:19 a.m.}

alienpuncher: That could have been worse

iamthenight: I’m surprised they’re letting you keep being a hero

alienpuncher: Me too. They know what I do is important, but I didn’t think they’d accept it after only a couple days. 

alienpuncher: And now I just have to give them updates every time I go out.

iamthenight: If you let Uno do it, have him censor some things. The stress of his updates gave me gray hairs.

iamthenight: I do not need your survival probabilities every freaking hour. They kept getting lower and lower.

alienpuncher: I’ll tell him

iamthenight: You know you aren’t allowed to die on us again. If I don’t get to add my name to your list, you don’t get to add yours to mine.

iamthenight: You still aren’t alone. We’re here to help you.

alienpuncher: I know, thanks Drake.

alienpuncher: Thanks for everything.


End file.
